Words and Pictures by Grant Snider
I have the same fears......and I have a plan.They will come for you in the night, just before your 30th birthday. When that day comes--you must be quick. You must be vigilant, and fearless. Leave all behind except your clothes and your Chucks. Make your way to my location; I have secured us a rocketship. Our small party of teetering 29-ers will blast off and journey to the Martian homeworld of...Mars, where we will strategically deploy packages of Bubble-Yum Bubble Gum, squirt guns, copies of Batman, balloons, and kittens, thereby causing the downfall of the Martians' terrifyingly good habits and rendering their culture just as childlike and penniless as our own.It is a dangerous mission. But together we can succeed. Praise the Lord and pass the rocket fuel.